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Please check my letter and tell me what to change.


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I want my letter to look formal, at least a little bit. I know that I need to work on organisation of my letter.

 

Few days after I applied for University in my Country my mom called me. All of a sudden she asked me if I wanted to study in the Netherlands.  Only thing which I needed to try to apply was english exam. I thought I must try but then I saw a problem with test dates. I realized that I don't have enough time to pass tests and send them to your University before the deadline.. I don't want to miss it at any cost. I used to be terrible at school. I was playing  computer games instead of learning. But after I finished technikum and passed exams I realized that I want to choose a different patch in my life. I set goals and wrote a plan how i WIll do it.  During time of learning I started reading books about management, mostly from Peter Drucker. After reading a few of his books I realized that I want to become a business consultant in future. I was dreaming about becoming a valuable business consultant in the USA or Europe. After months of learning my scores were much better, maybe not the best but with them I had a possibility to study in better Universities. Possibility to study costs me time, which I can get back. I was happy because I got to University in my country but I was consciously thinking about my mom’s offer. Earlier I was associating studying abroad with luxury, something only for a few people but now after my mom told me that I could live with her and study there. Chance for later registration is important for me because I don't want to waste time anymore.   Earlier I was thinking about a bachelor in my country and master degree abroad but now I have  a strong feeling that I should study abroad now because It is impossible to get any time back and studying abroad now could lead me to better opportunities.  I also know studying in english will be better for me, especially because I want to live abroad in the future. That's why I would love to study in your University.

 I would want to apologize and ask if there is a possibility for me to deliver my toefl scores a little bit later. If it is possible I will write my exam on 5 december and wait for your decision. 

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Your letter is more correct than you think.
Some changes however.
Marked additions in green, modifications in yellow, and removals in red (so remove all the red text by yourself).

5 hours ago, Warrod said:

Few days after I applied for university in my country, my mom called me. All of a sudden she asked me if I wanted to study in the Netherlands. The only thing which I needed to try to apply for was an English exam. I thought I must try but Then I saw a problem with the test dates. I realized that I don't have enough time to pass tests and send them to your University before the deadline.. I don't want to miss it at any cost. I used to be terrible at school. I was playing computer games instead of learning. But after I finished technology study and passed exams I realized that I want to choose a different patch in my life. I set goals and wrote a plan on how I will do it. At the time of learning I started reading books about management, mostly from Peter Drucker. After reading a few of his books I realized that I want to become a business consultant in the future. I was dreaming about becoming a valuable business consultant in the USA or Europe. After months of learning my scores were much better, maybe not the best but with them I had a possibility to study at better universities. Possibility because the study costs me time, which I can get back. I was happy because I got to university in my country but I was consciously thinking about my mom’s offer. Earlier I was associating studying abroad with luxury, something only for a few people but now after my mom told me that I could live with her and study there. Chance for later registration is important for me because I don't want to waste time anymore. Earlier I was thinking about a bachelor in my country and master degree abroad but now I have a strong feeling that I should study abroad now because it is impossible to get any time back and studying abroad now could lead me to better opportunities.  I also know studying in English will be better for me, especially because I want to live abroad in the future. That's why I would love to study at your university.

 I would want to apologize and ask if there is a possibility for me to deliver my TOEFL scores a little bit later. If it is possible I will write my exam on 5 December and wait for your decision.

In order to study in a country where English is not the main language, you don't need to have perfect English, good enough is probably enough.
Plus entring university in the Netherlands is pretty easy, as most universities will allow you in as long as there's room left.
You'll be given 1 year to get at least 54 out of 60 study credits in order to be able to stay.

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"Possibility because the study costs me time, which I can get back. " I realized i wrote this sentence wrong. I wanted to write " Possibility to study at better univerites costed me time, which I can't get back. I just wanted to say that cance to choose better university costed me time.  It is everything ok with this sentence?

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The possibility to study at better universities costs me time, which I can't get back.

I'm not sure if "costs/costed me time" actually exists in English, but I know that it exists in both Polish and Dutch in the same way using the same words, so I don't think they'll count that as incorrect.

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