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Linguaholic

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Hi guys and girls !!! I'd love your feedback on this little story.

I do enjoy writing in english but my skills are pretty bad, any tips to improve my grammar and syntax?

Her hair was a mess. A cigarette was hanging out of her mouth and every time I turn to look at her it was as if that glass was never going to run out. It made it hard for me to concentrate on my date. Her nails were fine, so it was a hard war that had gone on too long. The position of his head, however, told me that things weren’t going well. Her north was clearly lost, and the only lighthouse I could see was a dim, cold, emotionless electronic light in front of his face. She was surrounded by friends who didn't seem to care too much… maybe they were already used to it, almost seemed to be invisible to everyone but me.

- What are you looking at over there?

I laughed, caressed his hand and took the opportunity to look at mine own nails.

- How is my hair?

My date looked at me, confused

- It looks good I guess

Thanks in advance :)
 

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Hi Elan, are you kidding? Your English very bad? Come on! You know you're doing a very fine job:wink: Guess you just wanted to hear that. A few minor mistakes and a lot of poetic freedom. Not too sure what to make of 'it was a hard war that had gone on too long' in the context or 'her north was clearly lost' (she had lost her orientation?). And you look at 'my own nails' rather than 'mine own nails'. 

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