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the myth of Persephone (please correct my mistakes)


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According to Greek mythology, Persephone was Zeus and Demeter’s daughter. She was abducted by her uncle Hades  ,who took her to Hell where they got married against the girl’s will. Once in Hell she was offered some fruit, but Persephone only ate six pomegranate seeds which bound her to Hell forever.

Demeter, the goddess of fertility and agriculture, used to provide men with nice weather and crops, but after her daughter’s abduction ,she unleashed a never-ending  winter. Thanks to Zeus, Demeter and Hades came to an arrangement; since Persephone had not eaten the whole pomegranate, but only six seeds  ,she was still obliged to live six months with her husband in Hell, but she was also granted permission to spend the rest of the year with her mother on Earth.  Because of Demeter’s happiness, the fields began flourishing again in spring and summer.

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According to Greek mythology, Persephone was Zeus and Demeter’s daughter the daughter of Zeus and Demeter. She was abducted by her uncle Hades, who took her to Hell where they got married against the girl’s will. Once in Hell, she was offered some fruit, but Persephone only ate six pomegranate seeds which bound her to Hell forever.

Demeter, the goddess of fertility and agriculture, used to provide men with nice weather and crops, but after her daughter’s abduction, she unleashed a never-ending winter. Thanks to Zeus, Demeter and Hades came to an arrangement; since Persephone had not eaten the whole pomegranate, but only six seeds, she was still obliged to live six months with her husband in Hell, but she was also granted permission to spend the rest of the year with her mother on Earth.  Because of Demeter’s happiness, the fields began flourishing again in spring and summer.

**The blue wasn't necessarily wrong, but sounded a bit awkward. I replaced it in green. Everything else was correct, just remember that commas go directly in front of the word rather than at the start of the word after.

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According to Greek mythology, Persephone was Zeus and Demeter’s daughter. She was abducted by her uncle Hades  ,who took her to Hell where they got married against the girl’s will. Once in Hell she was offered some fruit, but Persephone only ate six pomegranate seeds which bound her to Hell forever.

Demeter, the goddess of fertility and agriculture, used to provide men with nice weather and crops, but after her daughter’s abduction ,she unleashed a never-ending  winter. Thanks to Zeus, Demeter and Hades came to an arrangement; since Persephone had not eaten the whole pomegranate, but only six seeds  ,she was still obliged to live six months with her husband in Hell, but she was also granted permission to spend the rest of the year with her mother on Earth.  Because of Demeter’s happiness, the fields began flourishing again in spring and summer.

I agree with averyw's suggestion to change [Zeus and Demeter's daughter]--> to [the daughter of Zeus and Demeter]. I makes the meaning clearer.

While the rest of the sentences are correct, I think it is better to cut short some of the sentences. If you can go for brevity, then go for it.

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Yes, I agree with takibari. While your sentences are gramatically correct, there are more eloquent ways to say what you want to say:

"In Greek mythology, Persephone was the daughter of Zeus and Demeter. She was abducted by her uncle Hades, brough to Hell, and was forced to marry him against her will. Once in Hell, she was offered some fruit. Persephone only ate six pomegranate seeds, but this was enough to bind her to Hell forever.

Demeter, who was her mother and the goddess of fertility and agriculture, used to gift the men of Earth with fair weather and plentiful harvests. After her daughter’s abduction, however, she unleashed a never-ending  winter. Intervention by Zeus helped Demeter and Hades come to an agreement. Although Persephone had not eaten the whole pomegranate, she had eaten six of its seeds; she was still obliged to live for at least six months with her husband in Hell. However, she was granted permission to spend the rest of the year with her mother on Earth. Demeter, satisfied with the arrangement, grew happy once again, and as a result, the fields flourished in the spring and the summer. "

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