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What to do if those who are supposed to help you do the opposite?


Trellum
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I've mentioned I'm trying to learn dutch because I'll have a very important exam this year, I've also mentioned how upset, frustrated and angry I feel about learning this language (the word order is so confusing!).  Well, this is not my only problem, the problem is that the person who is supposed to help me with this language, instead of making me feel more confident and eager to learn it, makes me feel really uneasy and lacking confidence in my skills. I know, I might be sounding like a baby, but this person does that.

I know I should be stronger, but the support and help from this person is something I really need. And no, I can't tell the person not to help me or be involved in this process, because this person is part of this process. After talking to this person on the topic I feel this way. I thought I'd feel better after some days, but no :(

What should I do?

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Sorry to hear of your frustrations Trellum. I doubt there is much you can do except maybe talk to the person about it again. I know that wanting to reach your goal and having such a setback must be upsetting for you and so the next step maybe to just get someone else to help you.

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I will talk with this person again, it's really frustrating as it is. You know what is the worst thing? This person is to lazy to even correct me when I type something wrong. Not helpful at all!! I need to keep asking the person after writing something new, I need to ask this person if what I just wrote was right or wrong.

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Learning new languages can be frustrating. You have to turn off one half of your brain to open another that is ready for all of this new and complicated information. As for the person who should be helping you, I think they are doing exactly what they should be doing. When learning a language, you need to really, really step up your game, and what better than to be pressured to do so?

Think of it this way, if you were to be surrounded by people who only speak Dutch and you tried to speak in your currently state of knowing the language, would they be courteous of you? Probably not, right? They would most likely not talk to you as much because of the language barrier. And that should make you feel more uncomfortable than anything. So the person helping you is truly giving you that perspective to get you to work harder; especially if it is an extremely important exam that you are to take soon.

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  • 5 weeks later...

Talk about perspective!!! Upon reading the original post, I was so ready to say to just not take heart what the other person is doing. If the person is not helping, then go find someone else (even if that person is essential in your learning process.)

BUT with Bloomsie's reply, I was enlightened to the reality of what she was saying. NOT everyone who knows the target language is eager to help learners. Some find learners annoying. Thus, they avoid contact with them.

Anyhow, I also feel your frustration especially if you look up to that person to be the key resource for your learning process. So, just press on. Depend on your own motivation.

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Trellum, you sound very miserable learning under this person! I would personally NOT continue with them, because learning a new language to me ought to be fun and exciting. I personally don't want to be put under pressure and made to feel uncomfortable, especially if I'm paying! I was particularly concerned when you said this person is so" lazy to even correct me when I type something wrong". Are you paying for the services? Is there any reason why you can't move on and find someone more suited to your preferred method of learning?!

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Trellum, you sound very miserable learning under this person! I would personally NOT continue with them, because learning a new language to me ought to be fun and exciting. I personally don't want to be put under pressure and made to feel uncomfortable, especially if I'm paying! I was particularly concerned when you said this person is so" lazy to even correct me when I type something wrong". Are you paying for the services? Is there any reason why you can't move on and find someone more suited to your preferred method of learning?!

Hi there!  Thanks for the reply.  No, I'm not paying, it's a friend who is helping me out with the language (I'm just a few months away from the exam date!), but as I said he doiesn't seem very helpful.  Things have improved a little bit though, the other day we were practicing.  Burt as I said I'm not 100% most of the time if what i said was right, because I need to ask him to correct me. It's frustrating, but is getting better :)

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Learning new languages can be frustrating. You have to turn off one half of your brain to open another that is ready for all of this new and complicated information. As for the person who should be helping you, I think they are doing exactly what they should be doing. When learning a language, you need to really, really step up your game, and what better than to be pressured to do so?

Think of it this way, if you were to be surrounded by people who only speak Dutch and you tried to speak in your currently state of knowing the language, would they be courteous of you? Probably not, right? They would most likely not talk to you as much because of the language barrier. And that should make you feel more uncomfortable than anything. So the person helping you is truly giving you that perspective to get you to work harder; especially if it is an extremely important exam that you are to take soon.

The pressure is not something that really bothers me, what bothers me is the pressure + lack of interest to  correct me when needed.  It feels so pointless to me really, but I've been asking this person to correct me, instead of being annoying and say something like ''wat zegt ie?''.  It gets a bit annoying for a while, because sometimes I can't just formulate on my own more complex phrases, so it's when I think he should be correcting me.  I'm still having issues with that.  But things are getting better, I'm understanding the word order in dutch better, if it wasn't for it I'd already be far along :(

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  • 1 month later...

Hi there!  Thanks for the reply.  No, I'm not paying, it's a friend who is helping me out with the language (I'm just a few months away from the exam date!), but as I said he doiesn't seem very helpful.  Things have improved a little bit though, the other day we were practicing.  Burt as I said I'm not 100% most of the time if what i said was right, because I need to ask him to correct me. It's frustrating, but is getting better :)

I'm so glad that things changed for the better for you, Trellum! I also hope that you've made strides in your Dutch learning since we last discussed this. I just get this feeling that you'll be just fine as you seem very passionate about learning languages. All the best, mate :)

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I cannot give an advice because it's only who can decide on it. Your problem reminds me of my husband's stint in a Japanese company before. He had a colleague who appeared to be helping him with the Japanese words but in reality that colleague was trying to put my husband down due to insecurities. It was good that my husband discovered that fact early in the game.

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