In my opinion, your text is good. I also practice writing because I want to get a Certification. And I can recommend you to use tools that correct grammar mistakes. I use such tools myself, which helps me a lot because if you see what is incorrect, it will help you improve your writing skills. And also, I try to write papers on totally different issues because, as my professor said, such writing challenges are beneficial. The last time I wrote about the fashion industry, I spent a lot of time working on that paper. Here is one site https://envrexperts.com/free-essays/essay-about-managing-risks-fashion-designing-industry I came across it accidentally when I was looking for some info, and there are some essays examples on that theme. I read a few, and for me, they were like examples of how the finished paper may look. And also, there, I found a few interesting ideas, which I used in my own paper, but wrote more details on each.