lushlala

Thank you for answering that question so eloquently and clearly, takibari I absolutely agree with you on all the points you made. I studied Linguistics for my degree and at no point did anything I learnt support this. The brain is a very powerful instrument, and it baffles me how anyone can totally forget their mother tongue. Yet there are many examples in my country that defy logic. I have a strong feeling it's borne out of the misguided belief that by doing this, they're somehow elevated to the higher echelons of society, when in reality; it ironically reflects very badly on those individual. The trend is fairly common in my country and I just cringe and feel sorry for the people who do it.

I can understand if they left at a very young age, say from 0-9 maybe. My question really is about people who regularly spoke their language, and then left to go and live abroad from the ages of 18-21. I'm curious to know how realistic it is for them to totally forget their language that they used to speak on a daily basis, to the point where they can't string a whole sentence together.

I have known a few people from my country who have gone abroad to study or work; who on their return have apparently lost all ability to speak their native language. I'm talking here about people who left when they were say 18-21 years old. What are your thoughts on this; is it really possible? Why does it happen to some, but not others?

This is something that happens to me! if I have the teeniest bit of doubt about the spelling of a word, that's it; I can't relax. The longer I look at it, the more the doubt sets in. It may not even be a difficult word. It may even be a word I use regularly. It's very strange.

There's also that problem; where a word is spelt in a totally different way to how it's pronounced. I think I'm pretty good at spelling, but sometimes I find myself checking and double checking just to be sure. The other thing that annoys me is the fact that sometimes even spell checkers can't be relied upon to be 100% accurate.

I think this is becoming more common place as more and more people marry beyond their borders. I see it in Botswana, and especially in my home town. For instance, I know this family where the mum is a Zimbabwean/Motswana, married to a Dane. The mum speaks some Danish, Shona, Ndebele, Setswana and of course English. The children are also fluent in all these languages. The father obviously speaks Danish, English and some Setswana. It's just fantastic.

It's interesting to see that we're all different when it comes to this! I wonder if maybe those who are not fazed by the idea of conversing on the phone are perhaps more confident in their language skills and not as self conscious as those of us who prefer face- to- face?

I can sort of see the benefit, but I'm with you on this Sidney! My interest does not extend that far, really. I just want to speak the language decently and be able to write it too. I also like to learn a bit about the background and history of the language, but nothing further than that.

That must have been a very sticky situation for you, and no doubt a very long drive! But you survived it to tell the story lol Do you speak ANY Korean at all? I can just imagine the awkwardness.

I like how MarcArgent put it and agree; "I think that language may be a bridge, but it is not the totality in having someone as a close friend. Your qualities as a whole, and whether you have similarities and same interests are all taken into account. Language is a tool, you can make friends with it; likewise, you can also make enemies." -and on that basis, to answer your question; I have a very close French friend but we became friends not solely because of my interest in her language, but because of other factors. She doesn't speak my native language, but we both speak English. She always availed herself if I needed help with French, but I never took full advantage of it. I do incorporate a few sentences in my emails to her, but that's about it.

Hehe Sidney, your comment made me laugh out loud! It's funny how this seems to affect most of us across the board, with a few exceptions here and there. This is what I mean, in part. Some expressions and insults just don't translate well, and don't carry as much of a 'punch" when translated. You lose some nuances somewhere along the line, and subsequently, the meaning's not quite what you were going for!

I grew up in an English speaking house, so I grew up speaking English. All around me, family and friends were also English speakers. So I started speaking English from a very young age. The point I'm trying to communicate is not so much that my linguistic abilities are hampered as such when emotions are heightened. I can still communicate and express exactly what I'm feeling in English, but sometimes I have this overwhelming urge to revert back to my mother tongue and lay it out there. It's weird because my mother tongue goes round the houses and is quite complex, but some expressions and phrases are so spot on in delivering certain messages that there may not be an effective English equivalent that delivers the same punch, if you know what I mean.

Yes, I can imagine it's even harder when you combine the two, cultural differences and language barrier. But It must be so fascinating and interesting, total immersion! At least you'll be able to learn quicker, or at least for me this is the most effective way to learn. I'd hate to have to translate idioms, gosh it would be a mammoth task!

I know what you mean, Sidney. However, what do you make of people whose accent is neutral anyway, they went to private schools, they once spoke in a posh English/American/neutral accent, and suddenly they have this affected heavy accent that they didn't have before. What do you think of those ones?

How're you getting on with your German, @Jeremy? Kudos to you for going there! In my opinion, German is one of the hardest languages out there. I'd definitely struggle with the pronunciation. I think most our problems stem from confidence, or lack of it. If we could just get past that, we'd be fine. I envy people who confidently speaks a foreign language whether it's correct or not, because that's the best way to go about it.

Isn't it funny how your moth always seems to be lagging far behind your brain and thought process when you're new to a language. You want to say one thing, but for whatever reason; it doesn't come out quite how you intended, or worse still it comes out all jumbled hehe Maybe this only happens to me!

Another thing is that when you're writing things down, you can take a quick peek at the dictionary, whereas that'd look a bit odd if you just busted one out during a face to face conversation

I'm not that fussed, to be honest. As long as it's quiet and I have a comfy spot, I'm happy to study. It could be in my home office, on the couch, the park or the library; I don't mind. Plus I like to switch it up, too.

Hi, lushlala! Wow, there are people who deliberately distort the way they speak?? That's some kind of weird, don't you think? I mean why try to distort your manner of speaking?[i'm totally thinking of kidnappers calling for ransom - that's the only instance I know that the speaking voice is distorted (haha! i'm going off topic). Anyhow, you're truly right. Over the course of your learning, there has to be a point where you try to achieve the foreign accent - as you said; especially once you're confident and more importantly because certain words have to be spoken a particular way.

I know this is a friend, but you're right; it does put you under pressure lol! I've also noticed that it seems like when people speak in Italian or French, they speak so fast I can't keep up! I don't know if it's just in our heads because we're trying to follow every word coming out of their mouth, but it definitely sounds way too fast to me. I have to keep saying, can you please speak a little slower? I've also been told I speak both my native language and English fast, which I find hard to believe. Funny how that works!

You know, I actually think that's part of the problem. I did think it was just me, but I think being able to listen to someone face - to- face and almost lip read as they speak to you, is a huge help. Plus like you say, they can bail you out if you come unstuck!

I like that word - imperative -! It really has a nice ring to it and totally right about separating the written and oral aspects! These two being distinct skills need to be treated separately. I once took a TOEIC exam, and I got a perfect score!! I'm proud that I managed to ace that particular Listening and Reading exam. But I highly doubt if I can perform the same way with the speaking test, haha! I don't know why I'm not really good with speaking. I suck, haha! So, I can't imagine myself being in a class with classmates who are more proficient than me in speaking. I'd certainly be pulled back.

I think that happens to most of us, so it's not strange at all. I find myself doing the same thing all the time. My husband is a native English speaker too, yet he'll check his spelling with me from time to time. Sometimes it's weird because it's a simple word that we use often but for whatever reason, at that particular moment it doesn't look right.

But that's exactly my point, the key being trying, because I'm sure nobody would blame you for not losing your accent. Our accents are here to stay and will always come through, that's fact!

I totally get you takibari I have to say it may not be easy or possible in the first instance, in the early stages of language learning. I would also focus mainly on the acquisition of the the language skills to start with, and then over time (especially as you gain confidence), I still feel you need to at least try to phrase and pronounce foreign words how they're meant to be. -rather than not try at all. -or worse still, even going out of your way to distort the way you speak (please see my response to Trellum)