56 Hilarious Work Quotes to Get You Through the Week

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Welcome, weary workers and office warriors! Are you tired of staring at the clock, waiting for the end of the workday? Do you need a break from the endless emails, meetings that could’ve been an email, and the elusive search for the perfect work-life balance? Well, you’re in luck! We have just the thing to tickle your funny bone and make your 9-to-5 a bit more bearable.

Check out this funny collection of “56 Hilarious Work Quotes” that perfectly capture office life’s ups, downs, and downright absurd moments. Whether you’re looking to share a laugh with your coworkers, or just need a quick pick-me-up during your coffee break, these quotes are guaranteed to bring a smile to your face and a chuckle to your cubicle.

So, grab your coffee, take a seat (preferably not at a meeting), and enjoy these witty gems that celebrate the daily grind with humor and a touch of sarcasm. Let’s turn those Monday blues into Monday giggles!

1. “The shortest horror story: Monday.” —Anonymous

2. “I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend than be one.” —Clarence Darrow

3. “I used up all my sick leave, so I called in dead.” —Anonymous

4. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, you haven’t spent a night with a mosquito.” —African proverb

5. “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” —Douglas Adams

6. “What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” —Phyllis Diller

7. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” —Lily Tomlin

8. “Getting paid to sleep … that’s my dream job.” —Anonymous

9. “Co-workers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” —Anonymous

10. “Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” —Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

11. “I always give 100% at work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday and 5% Friday.” —Anonymous

12. “Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.” —Doug Larson

13. “There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.” —David Letterman

14. “I made a huge to-do list for today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.” — Anonymous

15. “Monday is the yardstick against which all that is unpleasant is measured.” —Lou Brutus

16.“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” —George Carlin

17. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” —Charles Lamb

18. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” —Edgar Bergen

19. “Don’t stay in bed unless you can make money in bed.” —George Burns

20. “It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

21. “Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat, lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you didn’t have a plan.” – Larry Winget

22. “The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx

23. “Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley

24. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison

25. “If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti

26. “Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen

27. “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost

28. “People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” – Joey Adams

29. “You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage work ethic.” — Zig Ziglar

30. “It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower

31. “Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.” – Anonymous

32. “If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” – Dave Barry

33. “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the real greats make you feel that you, too, can be great.” – Mark Twain

34. “As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins

35. “An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr

36. “I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what that means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock

37. “Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale

38. “No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx

39. “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown

40. “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman

41. “Sometimes I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.” — Anonymous

42. “The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.” — Groucho Marx

43. “When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” — Don Marquis

44. “A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather

45. “Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy

46. “My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous

47. “A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar

48. “If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.”​ — Albert Einstein

49. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar

50. “Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser

51. “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain

52. “Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams

53. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!” — Anonymous

54. “A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino

55. “Sometimes I Can’t Tell If I’m In Preschool Or High School. Oh Wait. I’m At Work” — Anonymous

56. “You don’t have to be crazy to work here. We will train you. ” — Anonymous

57. “When I get to work, I first hide. Because a good worker is hard to find. ” — Anonymous