Life is a wild ride, full of ups, downs, and unexpected detours that keep us on our toes. But if there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that life can be downright hilarious — especially when we look at it with a sense of humor.
After all, who hasn’t found themselves laughing at life’s little ironies or cracking up at the absurdity of it all?
Whether you’re navigating the chaos of everyday life or just need a good chuckle, funny quotes about life can be the perfect remedy. They remind us not to take things too seriously and to always find humor in the mundane.
1. “If you fall, I’ll be there.” – Floor
2. “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” – Tina Fey
3. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard
4. “I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.” – Bill Watterson
5. “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” – Graham Norton
6. “People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.” – Mike Bechtle
7. “I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W.C. Fields
8. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” – Jimmy Kimmel
9. “Life is a soup and I’m a fork.” – Unknown
10. “When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.'” – Groucho Marx
11. “I don’t trip. I do random gravity checks.” – Unknown
12. “I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” – Matthew Perry
13. “There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.” – Maggie Smith
14. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
15. “I am not lazy. I am on energy saving mode.” – Unknown
16. “I am presently experiencing life at a rate of several WTF’s per hour.” – Unknown
17. “True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.” – Kurt Vonnegut
18. “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” – Oscar Wilde
19. “I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.” – Unknown
20. “Don’t worry. If Plan A doesn’t work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.” – Unknown
21. “An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.” – Stephen Colbert
22. “The suspense is terrible. I hope it’ll last.” — Willy Wonka
23. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” – Mitch Hedberg
24. “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles M. Schulz
25. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” – Carrie Bradshaw
26. “I’m not superstitious…but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott
27. “It is useless to try to hold a person to anything he says while he’s madly in love, drunk, or running for office.” – Shirley MacLaine
28. “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” – George Carlin
29. “I’d love to stand here and talk with you…but I’m not going to.” – Phil Connors
30. “Based on how I react when toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.” – Unknown
31. “Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired.” – Sandra Bullock
32. “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” – Mindy Kaling
33. “Reality continues to ruin my life.” – Bill Watterson
34. “Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.” – P. J. O’Rourke
35. “I wish everything was as easy as getting fat.” – Unknown
36. “So it turns out that being and adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.” – Unknown
37. “Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.” – Philip K. Dick
38. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” – Jim Carrey
39. “You attract what you fear.” – Oh my God, I’m so scared of $10.6 Billion.” – Unknown
40. “Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or high school. Oh wait, I’m at work.” – Unknown
41. “Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.” – Unknown
42. “You can kid the world, but not your sister.” ― Charlotte Gray
43. “Life is not a fairytale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.” – Unknown
44. “People say, ‘How you stay looking so young?’ I say, well, good lighting, good doctors, and good makeup.” — Dolly Parton
45. “I don’t sugar coat shit, I’m not Willy Wonka.” – Unknown
46. “Keep calm and carry a wand.” – A.W. Jantha
47. “If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.” – Judith Martin
48. “Enjoy life. There is plenty of time to be dead.” – Hans Christian Andersen
49. “When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure, and I don’t have to shake hands.” – Larry David
50. “You reminded me of a penny. Two-faced. And not worth much.” – Unknown
51. “Can’t decide if I need a hug, an XL coffee, 6 shots of vodka, or 2 weeks of sleep.” – Unknown
52. “Been there. Regretted that.” – Unknown
53. “You look something like I drew with my left hand.” – Unknown
54. “Some people aren’t just missing a screw. The whole toolbox is gone.” – Unknown
55. “I am currently under construction. Thank you for your patience.” – Unknown
56. “Work hard so you can shop harder.” – Unknown
57. “This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone. But it will pass.” – Unknown
58. “That’s enough todaying for today. I’m done.” – Unknown
59. “Everything is figureoutable.” – Marie Forleo
60. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?” – Jay Leno
61. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” —Steve Martin
62. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” —Ellen DeGeneres
63. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” —Robin Williams
64. “I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.” – Ellen DeGeneres
65. “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.” —Bob Hope
66. “Woke up today. It was terrible.” —Grumpy Cat
67. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” – Oscar Wilde
68. “The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee.” – Tom Hanks
69. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” – Homer Simpson
70. “If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there light in the fridge?” – Unknown
71. “The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe. Eat cake.” – Unknown
72. “Never let anyone treat you like regular glue. You’re glitter glue.” – Unknown
73. “The older I get the more I realize that the things that cost nothing, hold the most value.” – Unknown
74. “I made a huge to do list for today. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.” – Unknown
75. “One day I was born. Then everything bothered me. And that brings us up to date.” – Unknown
76. “Why be moody when you can shake yo booty?” -Unknown
77. “When life shuts a door… Open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work.” -Unknown
78. “Don`t forget to drink water and get some sun. You’re basically a houseplant with more complicated emotions.” -Unknown
79. “All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.” – Unknown
Now, you don’t have to worry if you’re feeling in the dumps. You now have new funny quotes about life added to your arsenal to brighten your day and remind you that life’s too short not to laugh at its quirks.
These funny quotes show us that even when things get a little crazy, there’s always a reason to smile and find humor in it all.
So, the next time life throws you a curveball, just remember: a good laugh is the best way to hit it out of the park!
Hey fellow Linguaholics! It’s me, Marcel. I am the proud owner of linguaholic.com. Languages have always been my passion and I have studied Linguistics, Computational Linguistics and Sinology at the University of Zurich. It is my utmost pleasure to share with all of you guys what I know about languages and linguistics in general.