40 Funny Quotes to Keep You Smiling All Day

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Looking for a good laugh?

You’ve come to the right place!

This collection of funny quotes will brighten your day and tickle your funny bone.

From witty one-liners to clever observations, these quotes cover various humorous topics that will leave you chuckling.

Need a quick pick-me-up or something fun to share with friends? Well, immerse yourselves in these hilarious gems, and enjoy the lighter side of life.

Get ready to giggle, snicker, and maybe even LOL!

 

1. I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book. — Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx, known for his quick wit and sharp humor, cleverly criticizes the quality of television programming with this quote. By implying that TV drives him to read, Marx humorously suggests that books are a superior source of education. This classic Groucho wit highlights his disdain for passive entertainment and his preference for more intellectually stimulating activities.

2. I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them. — Phyllis Diller

Phyllis Diller, a pioneering female comedian known for her self-deprecating humor and sharp wit, humorously reflects on the cycle of parental aspirations. This quote captures her wish for her children’s success while poking fun at the idea of enjoying the fruits of their achievements. Diller’s clever twist on a common parental desire showcases her unique comedic style and relatable humor.

3. I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. — Les Dawson

Les Dawson, a British comedian famous for his deadpan delivery and witty one-liners, humorously highlights his financial struggles with this quote. By admitting that he sold his own furniture to make a living, Dawson cleverly turns a personal hardship into a source of comedy, showcasing his talent for finding humor in everyday situations. His ability to laugh at life’s difficulties remains a hallmark of his comedic legacy.

4. If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. — Dalai Lama

The Dalai Lama, the spiritual leader of Tibetan Buddhism, uses this humorous analogy to illustrate the power of small actions. By comparing an individual’s potential impact to the annoyance caused by a tiny mosquito, he emphasizes that even the smallest efforts can create significant change, inspiring people to believe in their ability to make a difference.

5. I can resist everything except temptation. — Oscar Wilde

Oscar Wilde, renowned for his sharp wit and clever wordplay, captures human nature’s irony in this quote. It humorously reflects on the universal struggle with self-control, showcasing Wilde’s talent for turning everyday observations into memorable and thought-provoking quips.

6. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. — Lily Tomlin

Lily Tomlin, a celebrated comedian and actress, humorously reflects on the broad ambitions we often set for ourselves. This quote highlights the importance of setting specific goals, using Tomlin’s characteristic wit to turn a common sentiment into a memorable and funny observation about the nature of ambition and identity.

7. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. — A. A. Milne

A. A. Milne, the beloved author of Winnie the Pooh, uses his gentle humor to play with the concept of impossibility. This whimsical quote highlights the joy of simple, leisurely moments, reminding us that sometimes doing nothing can be an art in itself. Milne’s charming wit turns a common saying on its head, bringing a smile to our faces.

8. By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong. — Charles Wadsworth

Charles Wadsworth, a distinguished American pianist and founder of the Chamber Music Society of Lincoln Center, captures the cyclical nature of father-son relationships with this insightful and humorous quote. It reflects the generational dynamics and the wisdom often recognized too late, emphasizing how each generation experiences similar challenges and misunderstandings.

9. I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. — W. C. Fields

W. C. Fields, a legendary comedian and actor known for his dry wit, uses this quote to humorously describe his fondness for wine. The playful twist highlights his comedic persona and adds a lighthearted take on cooking and indulgence, reflecting Fields’ unique ability to blend humor with everyday activities.

10. Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth. — Unknown

11. I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. — Jackie Mason

Jackie Mason, a celebrated comedian known for his sharp wit and humorous observations about everyday life, delivers a clever twist on financial stability. This quote humorously highlights the paradox of saving and spending, showcasing Mason’s ability to turn a common concern into a memorable punchline.

12. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. — Alan Dundes

Alan Dundes, a prominent folklorist known for his witty insights, uses this clever observation to highlight the disparity between appearance and reality. This humorous quote plays on the physics of light and sound to make a pointed commentary about how initial impressions can be misleading, showcasing Dundes’ talent for blending scientific principles with sharp humor.

13. I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. — Thomas Edison

Thomas Edison, one of history’s greatest inventors, provides an inspiring perspective on perseverance and experimentation. This quote underscores his determination and resilience, illustrating that each unsuccessful attempt is a step closer to success. Edison’s optimistic outlook encourages us to view failures as valuable learning experiences rather than setbacks, showcasing his relentless spirit in the pursuit of innovation.

14. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure. — W. C. Fields

W. C. Fields, a renowned comedian and actor, cleverly plays with the concept of indecision in this humorous quote. It captures the paradox of indecisiveness in a light-hearted manner, reflecting Fields’ wit and his ability to find comedy in the eccentricities of human behavior. This quote is a perfect example of his dry humor, highlighting how uncertainty can persist even when we think we’ve made up our minds.

15. I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. — Michael Scott

Michael Scott, the unpredictable and often misguided boss from the TV show The Office, delivers this classic line that perfectly shows his character. This quote humorously highlights Michael’s tendency to be slightly irrational while also trying to appear reasonable. It’s a clever play on words that captures his unique personality and his penchant for making amusing, offbeat statements.

16. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything. — Unknown

17. I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. — Charles Lamb

Charles Lamb, an English essayist and humorist, uses this witty remark to poke fun at the concept of workplace punctuality. This quote humorously highlights the irony of compensating for tardiness by leaving early, showcasing Lamb’s ability to turn everyday situations into clever and amusing observations. His playful take on office habits reflects his sharp sense of humor and satirical style.

18. I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying. — Oscar Wilde

Oscar Wilde, famed for his sharp wit and brilliant aphorisms, humorously addresses the complexities of his own intellect with this quote. It reflects Wilde’s self-deprecating humor and his ability to laugh at his own cleverness. This amusing observation highlights the paradox of being too smart for one’s own good, showcasing Wilde’s talent for turning introspective thoughts into witty and memorable lines.

19. Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. Charles M. Schulz

Charles M. Schulz, the creator of the beloved comic strip Peanuts, uses this humorous quote to provide a lighthearted perspective on global worries. By playing on time zone differences, Schulz cleverly reminds us not to stress about impending doom, offering a comforting and amusing take on our anxieties with his characteristic charm and wit.

20. Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born? — Benny Hill

Benny Hill, a British comedian known for his risqué humor and satirical style, uses this quote to point out the irony in the debate over birth control. With his characteristic wit, Hill humorously highlights the fact that those advocating for birth control have already benefited from being born, showcasing his knack for turning controversial topics into clever and thought-provoking statements.

21. “If you’re not yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.” — Mark Ruffalo

Mark Ruffalo, an acclaimed actor and environmental activist, humorously captures the chaos of parenting. This quote reflects the realistic, sometimes frustrating, and often loud aspects of spending time with children.

22. “I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.” — Steven Wright

Steven Wright, known for his deadpan delivery and absurdist humor, makes a clever pun with this quote. The play on words highlights Wright’s unique ability to find humor in the most unexpected places.

23. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” — Tommy Cooper

Tommy Cooper, a British comedian and magician, uses his characteristic style of humorous self-deprecation. This quote captures his talent for turning a personal flaw into a witty observation.

24. “Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.” — Al McGuire

Al McGuire, a renowned basketball coach and commentator, uses a classic pun to deliver a simple yet effective joke. The humor lies in the literal interpretation of skeletons lacking guts.

 

25. “I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.” — Rodney Dangerfield

Rodney Dangerfield, famous for his self-deprecating humor, turns a phrase about learning from mistakes into a joke about his marriage. The clever twist makes this a memorable quote.

26. “Change is not a four-letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” — Jeffrey Gitomer

Jeffrey Gitomer, a sales and customer service expert, combines humor and insight in this quote. He acknowledges that while change itself is neutral, people’s reactions to it can be quite colorful.

27. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” — Zach Galifianakis

Zach Galifianakis, known for his humor and unconventional style, juxtaposes the concept of maturity with childlike behavior. This quote showcases his ability to find humor in everyday absurdities.

28. “I’m not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” — Chandler Bing

Chandler Bing, a character from the popular TV show “Friends,” is known for his sarcastic wit. This quote embodies his tendency to use humor as a defense mechanism and a way to navigate social interactions.

29. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.” — Earl Wilson

Earl Wilson, a syndicated columnist, humorously points out the harsh reality of financial obligations. This quote emphasizes how quickly attention comes when money is involved.

30. “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” — Tommy Cooper

Tommy Cooper’s humor often involved wordplay and absurdity. This quote is a humorous take on dieting, highlighting the unintended consequences of unconventional methods.

31. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” — A. A. Milne

A. A. Milne, the creator of Winnie the Pooh, uses whimsical humor to turn a common motivational phrase on its head. This quote reflects his talent for light-hearted, clever wordplay.

32. “A day without laughter is a day wasted.” — Charlie Chaplin

Charlie Chaplin, a legendary comedian and filmmaker, believed deeply in the power of laughter. This quote explains his philosophy that humor is essential to a fulfilling life.

33. “The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” — Al McGuire

Al McGuire’s humor often included thought-provoking questions. This quote uses irony to highlight the absurdity of certain safety measures in extreme situations.

34. “I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?” — Ronnie Shakes

Ronnie Shakes, a comedian known for his clever observations, humorously critiques the self-help genre. This quote reflects skepticism about the effectiveness of positive thinking alone.

35. “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” — Steven Wright

Steven Wright’s humor is characterized by surreal and absurdist one-liners. This quote amusingly downplays the effort involved in writing a book by focusing on a trivial detail.

36. “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” — Jim Carrey

Jim Carrey, a versatile actor and comedian, uses this quote to humorously acknowledge the often underappreciated role of women. The eye-rolling suggests a mix of exasperation and support.

 

37. “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” — Steven Wright

Steven Wright again employs his deadpan humor to deliver a practical yet funny piece of advice. This quote plays on the high stakes of skydiving, where failure is not an option.

38. “My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.” — Jim Gaffigan

Jim Gaffigan, a stand-up comedian known for his observations on daily life, captures a relatable moment. This quote humorously depicts the irony of remembering tasks only when it’s too late to do them.

39. “Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.” — Maryon Pearson

Maryon Pearson, wife of Canadian Prime Minister Lester B. Pearson, uses this quote to humorously comment on the unexpected nature of success. It highlights the often-overlooked contributions of women.

40. “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” — Mark Twain